Lulu hot tranny prince

SECRET SANTA

2006-12-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

I may actually start blogging as a habit now that I finally have to log in to blogger.

After reading my previous posts i felt embarassed by myself. Some because of the content but mostly bcos of the woderful english.

But knowing how wonderfully i blog, i might risk usurping the throne of best blog in the world if i blog almost daily.

Wa cheebye my skin is getting terrible recently. I shall die.

Ok. Now for my secret santa, I am a person of humble demands.

I saw everyone else's wishlist and was shocked by the things they requested for. WHat audacity!

SO I compiled the most affordable list below:

1) A kiss from Daniel Wu and 5 secs of rubba rubba.

2) A walk in wardrobe thats pre-filled with size 9 tod's, miu miu, galliano, Givenchy and Jil Sander shoes for me.

3) Shit-eating porn.

4) Gemma Ward to tell me I'm more beautiful than her and that she looks like cowdung next to me

Ok. thats about it. But if you are too much of a wimpy Santa, here's another list that is easier:

1) Ang Pow. ( SO u cant buy $5 thing and pass it off as $30)

2) Black Aviator Shades. ( Even if u can find it and its more[but not more than 50 lah] i will top up)

3) Any small sized Black/white tee shirt with print. PLS no emo/pure milk looking print. I like those new vintage looking tees and tangs at vivocity. they cost 70 or 60 i think. you can buy that and i will pay you the remainder and give you a kiss. or use that as a reference.

4) Skinny belts( Far east gt chip chip ones)

5) Anything I have mentioned in passing that I like. DO check if i alr have it though.

********
If you are a guy pls look for anne or adeline when getting my presents. If you go alone/ with someone else you will almost definitely end up with a shitty gift. And since I have alr given you warning, I won't give you a effort-appreciating smile. If I don't like it you can be sure I will rip it apart and shove it up my ass. Good Luck.

Lulu hot tranny prince

2006-08-07T15:16:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Singapore

Watching National Day advertisements inspired me to come up with this post. While many are clapping their hands and singing Singaporeans songs like stand up for Singapore, i'd like to write a list of things that are shitty in Singapore.

1) Fireworks.
While many would like to gawk and gape at the fireworks, i think of it as 20% of my paycheck at 5% of the charges I pay extra while shopping go up in smoke. Nothing else. Its pretty for only 30 seconds but when you realise that its your hard earned money you get pissed off. But National Day celebrations would be nothing without fireworks because take them away and its just an excuse to give NS men something to do and bore the shit out of me.

2) Singapore Idol/Superband/etc.
Bloody nonsense seriously. And that sms thingy going on at the bottom of the screen during the show? so original. It a display of English gone horribly wrong at its finest. I understand that it may be their passion and shit but someone needs to wake them up.

3) The belief that Singapore has talent and I should shut up.
Yes, in the form of a perfect godess called Koh Weiming. That's all.

4) I'm racist if I called an indian man smelly on the bus.
that's dumb. im not discriminating him bcos of colour but smell. I cannot stand smelly people. they should be made illegal. Call me mean but u dont see me walking nude ard the country. Its a choice to wear clothes and so is bathing. There's no excuse to be smelly just like there's none to exhibit my family jewels in public.

5) The smoking Ban.
Singapore is well-known to ban lots of shit. Vulgarities on air, pissing in public, oral sex not leading to carnal sex, sodomy and pursuing your true talent if it stands in the way of your NS. BUT. the smoking ban really pisses me off. There's really no reason to ban smokers from the outdoor section of eateries. Its dumb. I want to smoke and I do it outdoors. If you don't like it, fuck off. It's just like I don't stand next to the road and when a car exhausts its fumes onto me I write a petition to draw yellow boxes on the road to ask them to drive inside. It's dumb. With development comes pollution.
Don't like ciggarette smoke? Go and live in the jungle.

6) Smokers die young and they are bad people and will probably end up on on the the ciggarette pack as a corpse.
HA HA. There's so many things wrong with this sentence. If you eat macdonalds all day long, don't excercise and do lots of unhealthy shit like over-masturbating you're going to die as well. But we don't see gruesome pictures of fat people exploding on burgers so why the double standard for ciggarettes.

7) Homosexual people are more likely to get AIDS.
I agree on this one. They are also more likely to get gorgeous and becum Supermodels and earn tonnes more money than heterosexual people. No link? Go figure.

8) Being Chinese and not being able to speak proper Mandrin.
So damn lame. I had a chinese teacher who kept telling me that i'm a disgrace becos my Mandrin sucks.
But i felt like telling him his ancestors were homoerectus cavemen.
But i don't see him setting up fires in school to abrbecue freshly caught game using wooden spears, running ard wearing leaves to cover his saggy genitals and digging his nose for a light snack.
Oh wait. he does dig his nose for a light snack and allow his nose hairs to grow freely like the jungles of Pocahontas. So maybe he's right, we must know our roots and dig our noses looking for crisps.

I have tonnes of other things I want to write but i'll risk being arrested and becoming the next Nelson Mandala or however u spell his name. But only this time i'll ninja my way out with my supermodel-like moves wearing Hedi Slimane by Dior Homme. ANd then take over the world. Which is very feasible. Now write that down in your history books in the latest edition.

ON NS

2006-06-17T03:33:00.000+08:00

I have a confession: I am petrified of NS.

Before you roll you eyes and think i'm being silly, read what i have to say.

I have been brought up in a family where you are supposed to talk things nicely and where violence has never been condoned. Differences are ideally settled in a peaceful manner, albeit not all the time.

I live in a society where the rich speak the loudest, not the strong. Where the coutry identifies itself as a democratic and not a military one.

Over the years of conditioning, I have been drilled with the mindset that brains truimphs over brute strength and war is evil.

Up till today, I despise violence. The innocent killings, the waste of resources, the destruction and the aftermath. War is horrible and we all know it.

The way of which the system works when i serve NS is a drastically different one. When someone hurls vulgarities at you for no reason, you swallow your pride and you do as told. When training becomes mentally and physically straining, you bear with the pain.

You can argue that in the future my boss may do the same and NS serves as a simulation.

I see the similarities. But I can quit my job and I get paid sum of money that i'm comfortable being yelled at for.

I don't intend to start a family because I wasn't born with the ability to fulfil that role and I will never be able to show affection and care for a family that was forced upon me by expectations. I'm not heterosexual. I do not learn how to be a man if that is what NS is supposed to teach you.

For christ's sake, I do everything a girl does, if not girlier.

I will be placed amongst other heterosexual men, forced to undergo similar training and live amongst them and live the way they live.

I cannot do something like that. I'm gay. I'm different. I'm not all buff and emotionally strong. I can't pack up and leave when one day they decide that gays are gross and decide to play pranks on me.

Other gay men may take it in their stride. But I'm not strong like them, physically and mentally. The thought of it makes me tremble within and all sorts of thoughts flash in my mind.

I'm petrified of NS. The reason is simple- I will be brought into a new environment, one that I have shunned away from for the past 19 years of my life. To make the situation more dire, I will be entering this environment maybe having some of these people thinking i'm some kind of freak or play-thing. And what's worse is i i'm not big and buff like most guys. I'm not mentally stable to face this kind of things. I cry at baby cubs being hunted.

NS? Just shoot me.

!!!IMPORTANT!!!

2006-05-04T14:47:00.000+08:00

Lulu hot tranny prince

I have the quote of the century.
BEHOLD:

rushtowait@gmail.com says:
if i give birth, and see the face like jules, i'll push the baby back into my vagina and jump off the building

there you go.

TEST!!

2006-04-25T16:24:00.000+08:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

weiming & NS

2006-04-24T15:46:00.000+08:00

Abel Koh Weiming --

[noun]:

A real life terminator

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

BAHAHHAH fuck.

i will go into ns with the manliest tits and balls and penis and every other guy's genitals will look like cute pink fuzzy pussies.

They will all quiver in my presence and put the beds together for my royal ass and fan me with amethyst studded boa fans.

If anyone dares defy my orders i will simply let a section of my scotum peep out of my spandex and he will be overwhelmed by manliness and die immediately.

but lookie whats the real result:

Abel Koh Weiming --

[noun]:

A pussy who will get raped in NS

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

how much is enough

2006-04-08T03:12:00.000+08:00

Lulu hot tranny prince

THis post is kinda cheesy and corny.
i'm writing it out of my own satisfaction.
If you don't like it then you can just fuck youself.

For a force that is invisible to the eye,
love is one intangible mother fucker which is very eminent.
How is it possible that we can build high rise buildings
and take to the skies.
But for something as close to the heart,
love sure is something profound.

I used to think i could live alone and earn tonnes of money.
and one fine day everyone would come a flocking.

Well.

I have succeded in either one and already i'm getting awfully impatient.
But previous experiences squeeze me so tightly i dare not enter a relationship.

But at the same time i do long for someone i can tell my nonsense to.

Friends are great, friends are wonderful, friends are important to me.

But you dont share a romantic r/s with them bcos if you do, you are very gross indeed.

Friends won't always put you top of their list but your significant other most likely will.

How ironic.

Friends who will always be there wont be as important as the romantic partners that come and go.

but i am baffled.

Not that i want to be superficial or anything but i'm lying.

I do not think i am either revolting or ugly.

but why is it that people dont seem to have an interest to know me better?

WHY THE FUCK do they think im just something to look at then look away??

i dont understand. seriously.

I don't kick children or strip in public.

I'm a person worthy of someone else's appreciation and care.

But everyone is a blind fuck and they can't see that.

I hold doors for people, queue and abide by the law.

I have wonderful friends that everyone wants to get close to.

But why is it that i dont have a special someone.

this post is so totally full of corny shit.

but i'm hoping someone reads it and realizes im so much more than just someone to look at.

Lulu hot tranny prince

2006-02-26T23:22:00.000+08:00

Lulu hot tranny prince

Jon wins every disgusting person i've ever met HANDS DOWN

ME: your name is candy lian and you are a sleazy geylang whore

JON: y u so shameless come and initiate a convo with such a beautiful person like me

ME: BAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHA

WTFUCKINGSHIT

gross

i shall block and delete

JON: can i ask u a question

ME: what

JON: it's been bothering me for quite a while

ME: NO I DONT LOVE YOU

JON: be honest ok

why am i so sexy and hot?

i just dont get it

ME: well... let's see

i think its the bauhaus-ness and zen-ness or a small, short and simple penis

a petite and vulnerable body frame that screams "FUCK ME"

and of course a captivating wink that will trendscend the sexiest of cindy crawford winks

Jon: hm i beg to differ

Me: oh why?

JON: i think it's my tom wellingness and the colin ferrellism in me

ME: or maybe just tom's wellingtons?

JON: hm i think u're too blind to tell

but thanks anyway for ur incorrect answers to my question

ME:alright then. happy delusion day

OMG. why do i have friends like that.

Lulu hot tranny prince

2006-02-22T06:03:00.000+08:00

Lulu hot tranny prince

When was the last time you felt like you grew up?

I remember when i used to lie with my face flat on the classroom table despite the dirt

It was when i started buying clothes that were nice instead of comfortable

I remember the first time i took chilli, i felt so grown up.

It was when i had a debit card i felt so old.

It was when i start clubbing and smoking i felt old and a little foolish

When i first had those strong feelings towards someone

When my heart got broken and all i did was cry, which also feels silly now

when i started looking at people for what they did, not looked like

when i felt useless without money

when i went to taiwan alone

when i looked at my mom and said, i'm already 18 when in her heart im always that month-old baby crying at nothing

when i feel sad when cruelty happens

when i cry at the sight of death, ficticious or otherwise

when i was almost pushed to tears by deadlines and exams

when i went out anytime and slept anytime i wanted

when i was allowed unlimited TV

But 19 or 91, some things will never change.
Some i hope could but won't and some that will, eventually.

boring.

2006-02-12T05:53:00.000+08:00

if someone asked me one day,

"hmmm, what is mediacorp tv all about?"

i will be stumped. unless of course i say its a place where all drama serials have a retard so that an actor can finally win a award in the highly-acclaimed STAR AWARDS. and we love the word stars.and idols. thats why their new breakthrough show is called STAR IDOL.

Lets hear what people have to say about a name like that

"SIMPLY ORIGINAL"
- aurally challenged

I think so too. star idol. doesnt the sound of that make you want to turn on your TV sets and go OOOOOOOHHH and frantically sms your way into phone bill heaven by voting for the talented contestants?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

and i tell you, the way that the results are released whereby contestants are eliminated is so original!!!

They step into booths with running lights and ONE of them gets pushed to the next round of ADRENALINE PUMPING OSCAR-ESQUE ACTOR TRAINING. and guess what? if thats not enough suspense, they repeat this process over and over until one of them gets eliminated.

and guess what happens next?

YOU ARE WRONG!!! the contestants will start to cry and holler about how they've learnt so much over the past few weeks and bonded with the very contestants they were hoping would get eliminated!!

SOOOOO FUCKING ORIGINAL. its like the twist in M. NIght. Shyamalan's the village.

And guess what, the elimination process takes up an entire episode.

In American Idol, Ryan verbally announces the names of those who are moving on and the loser sings a song. In my opinion, that is silly.

Our mediacorp has done way better. For something that could be said in one sentence, half an hour is a painfully long time to do it! Incredible! think of the advertising dollar! and guess what?

CONTENT= ZILCH

how brilliant is that?

and with all this advertising dollars you might think mediacorp is going to have a hard time spending it.

YOU ARE WRONG!!!

The spend it on re-runs of HOME ALONE 123456789 and reap even more advertising money and then use it on re-runs of TERMINATOR 123456789.

and if you look carefully, mediacorp makes a mile-high effort in censorship. For the good of Singaporeans, anything homo, erotic or obscene is erased.

Eg.

If you scrutinize carefully, you'll notice that arnold's nipples were CG-ed off when they seemed a little erect. How GROSS. Imagine the trauma.

However, anyone can log in to the internet and be flooded by tonnes of tits and dicks(it rhymes) with no censorship at all.

Isn't mediacorp sensible to censor everything when anyone could easily find things 10 times more obscene on the net?

ABSOLUTELY. Even thought more than 90% of the homes in singapore have internet access, we trust that they only visit gardening websites or check up cooking recipes online.

So , what is my point in putting up this post?

BECOS SG IDOL IS COMING UP AND IT IS SO TIMELY AND RELEVANT!!!

I can't wait for a new idol so that he can replace taufik in the 7-11 advertisements.

How i envy the success the new idol will enjoy.

Look at taufik- HAPPILY SERVING HIS NS!!!

what a great way to enjoy the rewards! serving the nation!
i cant wait.

and look at the other two- olinda and sly.

Sly released an album which most of us find SHOULD BE BOUGHT !) MILLION TIMES!

and olinda?

A SPOKESPERSON FOR A SLIMMING AGENCY!!

isn't that so totally relevant? body fats and singing? because everyone knows that they go hand in hand, like when you talk about fats i feel like singing. or when i sing i feel fat.

Now, isn't that neat.

Jacelyn Tay: ENough! No more dangerous stunts!

2006-01-07T03:39:00.000+08:00

Lulu hot tranny prince

In response to having artistes perform dangerous stunts for charity, Jacelyn tay finally lashes out.
She has now lost the ability to open her car door or fridge, which makes her more able to lose weight.

However some artistes disagree.

For example, Belinda lee says that the stunts are not as challenging as the ones she used to do as she is an outdoor person and she does dancing so its no mean feat.

Nick Shen says that there are professionals guiding them step by step so its actually, VERY SAFE.

Please slap me if i'm wrong, but if its so safe, HOW DID SHE INJURE HER BACK?
oh dear, maybe its because she feel asleep with her leg 180 degrees into the air?
Hmmmm.

Please, if you want the fans to think you're some hardcore good-hearted actor, show sympathy to the poor girl and then analyse if the stunts were a good idea in the first place.

But, since my blog is so darn famous I shall not say anything mean. =)

So here's a list of what the artistes can do to raise funds instead!

1) Stop dangerous stunts.

-There's a 0.001 chance that the artiste might fall and puncture two kidneys and need to have dialysis from NKF which will drain more funds. So it kinda beats the purpose.

2) Sell used panties on E-bay.

-Hell this is so glam. I'd like to bid more moses lim's panties and use them as bed-sheets.

3) Show pictures of them without make-up.

-For many years at famine camp, we've seen artistes running to the toilets in the morning at famine camps covering their heads with towel so that no one will see them without make-up. i'd like to see them finally without it.

4) Make them take the bus on public holidays.

-Oh this one's really funny. After they squeeze thru throngs of gross smelly sweaty people, let them comment on what it's like to be non-atas.

FINALLY. the show of shows.

5) POST NUDE PICTURES.

-of me. yes first it'll start of with an over the shoulder shot with a towel slipping of my perfect bubble buttocks. and if they still don't want to donate, show abit of butt-crack. and if the line's still don't hit a million, i'll show a full-frontal nude and threaten to leave it there until the donate all of their savings to the charity shows.

LOVELY. I"M SO CLEVER.

Lulu hot tranny prince

2005-12-30T02:11:00.000+08:00

What is your name?
Weiming
Are you named after anyone?
yes, brad pitt
Whats your screename?
LULU
Would you name a child of yours after you?
most definitely not.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?
Weimin
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?
Gerard. Not that i really like it though, its just the nicest.
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that people inflict on your name constantly?
YESYESYESYES. its Weiming, not Wei Ming
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?
I'll drop everything, including my clothes

Basics

Your gender:
Male
Straight/Gay/Bi:
All 3
Single?
Wah sian. don't want to answer.
If not, do you want to be?
Wah sian ask again. C*** B**
Birthdate:
October 11
Your age: 18
Age you act: 2
Age you wish you were:
23. sounds like a nice age. and its when i finish my LOVELY ns
Eye color:
Gold, its one of my favourite colours
Hair color:
Navy/midnight Blue, my new found favourite colour
Happy with it?
Duh? I'll never change what i was born with! *rolls eyes*
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:
Righty
Your living arrangement:
with my family
Your family:
Parents, Sulyn, Shih Pheng and Keith.
Have any pets?
No but i want a Zoo
Whats your job?
Student, writer.
Piercings?
Left arm when I was Primary 6
Tattoos?
None
Obsessions?
SKINCARE!!!!!!
Addictions?
Ciggarettes and hot penises.

Do you speak another language? Apart from?tsk tsk, what a bad question. English and Mandrin
Have a favorite quote? Hwael/Hway
Do you have a webpage?: No.
Do you live in the moment? Most of the time
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? Depends on my mood
Do you have any secrets? yes
Do you hate yourself?: quite the contrary
Do you like your handwriting?: not really
Do you have any bad habits?: Smoking, putting my hands in my mouth

What is the compliment you get from most people?
That i dress well
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?
Supreme Glam Unrivalled Fairy
Whats your biggest fear?
Bees and Crocodiles
Can you sing?:
Anyone can, its how well you do it.
Are you a loner?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don't like being alone. expect when i pang sai.
What are your top priorities in life?
People, Money Career, animals, romantic relationship(at this point in time)
Are you a daredevil? No.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? My pimples and my skinny frame
Are you passive or agressive?: Passive aggressive
Do you have a journal?:
Nope, I live and learn, don't really like looking back and remembering what i've forgotten because there's a reason why it got forgotten in the first place
What is your greatest strength and weakness? I have a way with words and I tend to like/trust someone too easily
If you could change one thing about yourself, my skinny frame
Do you think you are emotionally strong? Soso, but sometimes its quite muscular
Do you think life has been good so far? Yes, plus minus
What is the most important lesson youve learned from life? sex gives you good skin
What do you like the most about your body? nothing
Do you think you are good looking? HAHHAHAHAHAHAH. yes.
Are you perceived wrongly? quite

Do You...

Smoke? Yes
Do drugs? yes
Read the newspaper? No.
Pray? no
Go to church? no
Talk to strangers who IM you? No i like to IM people. I also like to GN FT RD WH JT and DN people. WTF is IM???!!!
Sleep with stuffed animals? yes its called pillow.
Take walks in the rain? SIAO AH. skin will rot. i will, if i had flawless skin and a hot bod. As well as really transparent clothing when wet.
Talk to people even though you hate them? Depends
Drive? Unfortunately
Like to drive fast? dunno.

Would or Have You Ever?

Liked your voice? yepppp
Hurt yourself? plenty of times
Been out of the country? Yes
Eaten something that made other people sick? yes
Been in love? Yes.
Done drugs? yes
Gone skinny dipping? in the bathtub
Had a medical emergency? yes
Had surgery? No.
Ran away from home? yes
Played strip poker? no
Gotten beaten up? No
Beaten someone up? No.
Been picked on? Yes.
Been on stage? Yeah.
Slept outdoors? Yeah.
Thought about suicide? yes
Pulled an all nighter? Yes.
If yes, what is your record? about 30odd
Gone one day without food? yes
Talked on the phone all night? Yes
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex? Yeah.
Slept all day? Yes!
Killed someone? No, would like to try though
Made out with a stranger? yes
Had sex with a stranger? No.
Thought youre going crazy? Yeah
Kissed the same sex? yes
Done anything sexual with the same sex? yes
Been betrayed? Yes
Had a dream that came true? No
Broken the law? All the time
Met a famous person? no
Have you ever killed an animal by accident? no?
On purpose? insects
Stolen anything? lots but not now
Been on radio/tv? Yes.
Been in a mosh-pit? I've also been in a Hish, hoot, yenn, crit, boos pit as well. whats a mosh pit man.
Had a nervous breakdown? Almost?
Bungee jumped? NOT YET.
Had a dream that kept coming back? Not that I can remember

Beliefs

Believe in life on other planets? Yes
Miracles? Yes but its only coincidental
Astrology? Sometimes.
Magic? No
God? No
Satan? No
Santa? No.
Ghosts? No
Luck? No
Love at first sight? Yes
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)? No
Witches? Yes
Easter bunny? No.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever? Yes
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? No
Do you wish on stars? sometimes, although i know it wont work

Deep Theological Questions

Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? No
Do you think God has a gender? No
Do you believe in organized religion?No
Where do you think we go when we die? The cemetry, if you were a nice person.

Friends

Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? Yes
Who is your best friend? not just one
Whos the one person that knows most about you? myself
Whats the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? Go to hell
Your favourite inside joke? SU, KEITH and ME don't have good skin
Thing youre picked on most about? pimples
Whos your longest known friend? Yilin
Newest? Anne & Lavinia
Shyest? Keith
Funniest? All
Sweetest? all
Closest? all
Weirdest? None
Smartest? Dunno, alot of different kinds of intelligence
Ditziest? Priya
Friend you miss being close to the most? none
Last person you talked to online? SUlyn and Keith
Who do you talk to most online? Sulyn
Who are you on the phone with most? SP
Who do you trust most? ALL
Who listens to your problems? All
Who do you fight most with? SP
Whos the nicest? SP

Whos the most outgoing? SP
Whos the best singer? SP
Whos on your shit-list? Balloon cock
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? yes
Whos your second family? keith su sp
Do you trust others easily? yes
Whos house were you last at? ANNE
Name one person whos arms you truly feel safe in: ...cheebai
Do your friends really know you? yep
Friend that lives farthest away: serene, JB

Love and All That

Do you consider love a mistake? NO.
What do you find romantic? Everything done by your significant other
Turn-on? Nice legs, tan, short hair, tall, nice built, big eyes, a car, a house, a dog, a cold stare
Turn-off? too many.

First kiss? forgotten
If someone you had no interest in had interest in dating you, how would you feel? Sian. and check out someone else

Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them? Yes.
Have you ever wished it was more socially acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out? YES

Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? YES YES YES YES YES OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? No
What is best about the opposite sex? Nothing
What is best about the same sex? Nothing

What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? Mensturation
What is the worst thing about the same sex? Smelly
Whats the last present someone gave you? Xiangana gave me a cute topman TEEE
Do you consider your significant other hot? no

Who Was the Last Person...

That haunted you? Balloon cock
You wanted to kill? some asshole
That you laughed at? Priya, when i read her answers of this questionaire
That laughed at you? Timmy
That turned you on? Some guy from china who totally got rid of my headache when i saw him
You went shopping with? Anne
That broke your heart? ke.......
To disappoint you? SP, dun wanna rot.
To ask you out? Ge.......
To make you cry? ke......
To brighten up your day? Sulyn Keith and sp sylvia and yehcui. thanks for the nice birthday
That you thought about? Samuel
You saw a movie with? Eddie
You talked to on the phone? Timmy
You talked to through IM/ICQ? Sulyn and keith
You saw? Eddie
You lost? Shan.

Right This Moment...

Are you going out?: No
Will it be with your significant other? No
Or some random person? No.
What are you wearing right now? paul frank undies

What are you worried about right now? feat2 and the mag
What book are you reading? none

Whats on your mousepad? my mouse

Are you bored?: Yes

Are you tired? A bit
Are you talking to anyone online? yes

Ae you talking to anyone on the phone? No
Are you lonely or content? lonely
Are you listening to music? no

Are you eating anything?: no

Santa Claus is a terrorist.

2005-12-23T01:52:00.000+08:00

I DO NOT LIKE CHRISTMAS.
so when you wish me, use adjetives like melancholy, sorrowful, shitty and kanina infront of the word christmas because IT IS NOT MERRY.

Let me explain:

Santa Claus
Please. 3 words- what the fuck. more like the walking fashion disaster who has been around for too long until he has a long white beard. And, he carries a suspicious looking bag and flies on a sleigh and lands on people's roofs. Nice disguise Osama but i'm not falling for it. Please call 999 or report to a SMRT official.

Christmas Carols.
I was sleeping in SIM after rushing my bleeding advertising and guess what woke me up. Okay besides the trickling saliva. IT WAS CHEEBYE CHILDREN CAROLING. "JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS JINGLE ALL THE WAY". for the past 18 years at the time of the year, i have heard this song for 987654321234567890987654321345678909876543 times. KNN. I do not like children who talk, let alone CAROL. Stop it, you're not getting any presents.

Christmas Decorations.
Please, if you can't decorate, then leave your aesthetic skills for the toilet bowl when you lao sai because the christmas decorations along orchard road made me which i was a giraffe so i could chow down on all the shitty drummer boys.

Christmas crowds.
Only recently have i realised that there are many more blind people in singapore that i thought there were. Many of us are flocking to orchard road to gawk at the decorations and crowd up the streets to bask in the christmas-y ambience. Now, isn't that the shittiest thing you've heard?

For those who celebrate christmas thinking its celebrating santa claus's birthday or rudolph's maiden voyage or the founding of the mistletoe or the celebration of the christmas tree, I have the perfect season greeting for you- EAT SHIT. You do not celebrate a festival for no goddamn reason. I hate it when stupid people celebrate christmas for fun. If its that fun, why don't you light up a pathway of charcoal along orchard and roll on it naked to celebrate deepavali? Or fling ketupats in the air for hari raya? Please do not mistake this as a racist post because i'm trying to illustrate that people are celebrating festivals the wrong way for the wrong reason. Well since you like festivals so much, why not have a SHITBALLS day? orchard can be spruced up with... you guessed it, lumps of turdy people and all the other turdheads can go gawk at how smelly they are. And when the clock strikes 12, you guys can start crapping your pants and smothering dung all over each other? Or how about a world record attempt at the world's biggest man-made dungball? BRILLIANT. stupid people who go to orchard just to look at the lights and take pictures and block my way, I LOVE YOU MUACK MUACK MUACK MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I Have Blue Balls

2005-12-11T04:17:00.000+08:00

Oh no, God is unfair.
It seems nowadays people are getting more and more good-looking.
or is it that I have been becoming ugly.
Let's pretend its the former.
Guys. I see that many of you have chosen to stuff pillows inside your tee.
Or is it that you guys have been pumping iron to achieve glistening muscles?
I don't know, and i dont care bcos u have a small penis.
and when i say small, i mean like doctor circumsized wrong part small.
Girls. See those two "lovely lady lumps"?
Yes, please put them back in your bra.

Coloured contact lenses. Please. If you have black irises, you have black irises.
do not try colours like chestnut becos u will look like one.

eyeline(guys). Oh no. where are your brains?
Did you fail PSLE so badly that it haunts you so bad that you shade your eyes like OAS sheets?
tsk tsk.

shopping at A/X
I used to think it was so cool until i stepped in during the sale and felt as if i was in china.
clothes strewn all over the place, people clad in rags.

good-looking people
thanks to you, ugly people have little hope of neutralizing their genes and will thus have to fornicate with fellow ugly people
and plant seeds of uglier kids into society. And also making it harder for me to get laid, fuck you all.

ugly-people
please, enough is enough. stop humping already. I under-estimated the pandemic of ugliness when I realised that I bumped into someone with 3 nostrils.

stupid people
if you're trying to read this you probably wont understand anyway so please go back to sticking your head in a toilet bowl.

Crocodiles and Alligators.
Holy shit. you know why people dont use crocodiles as an insult? Because thats just mean. Its like saying that your whole family grew up in Botswana, lived on shit and fed through their vaginas. And hermes, thank you for creating the croc jacket. Although i highly doubt anyone who is in their right mind will buy it, i think its lovely you're taking a step towards eliminating them. 100 millions years is far too long. lets just make them extinct now so we can all swim nude in the amazon without fearing the crocs biting our tits off.

Crocs.
The name is synonymous with ugly. I think anyone who has a pair is obviously blind. Its as if a dutch milkmaid was walking through fairyland and a dwarf punctured holes in her shoes.

Infidelity.
Congratulations! you are now in the running to being a part of the AIDS pandemic. FUCK ON!!

Gym.
almost everyone there has muscles that look like metal plates. so why the hell are you there for? you make people like me feel as if my arms are toothpicks. fuck off i hope you wake up next morning and they all deflate.

People.
I don't understand what the hell is there for families to do in town. I wish i had a gun. Take your family to a park, a beach or somewhere I would never go. Or the crocodile farm!and swim! how pretty that would be. There's NOTHING in town for the kids. People shove and kick through the crowds. Do you hate your family so much that you bring them to town to get abused? If you agree, then i suggest the croc farm.

WISHLIST

2005-12-10T17:06:00.000+08:00

A nice plain tee shirt (no wimpy colours please)from Topman.
Cartier Ciggarettes from Cartier( I'm joking, they're not really sold there)
Calvin klien underwear. Buy S(waist, not dick size).
Royce chocolates. ( they melt in 5 hours which means you'll have to buy a fridge too)
A pretty ashtray. (to suit pretty me. to smoke lah dammit.)
Plastic Surgery Vouchers for Waffles Wu.
An artist funny looking cap adeline bought from BKK( high risk item that you may buy something i will never wear except to warm my nethers.)

THERE! :)
PS- this list is for charbee and co. trannies the list will come later

Marital Status: MARRIED

2005-11-02T01:16:00.000+08:00

It all began when both equally hot individuals laid eyes upon each other:

AHHHHHHHHHH. It was love at first sight.
Koh Weiming aka Hello Pussy, being a useless neh neh pok, decided to just stay at home and dream all day long. pussy.

HOWEVER. the decisive Dear Daniel Wu decides to find a way to consummate his undying and unsurpassed love for Hello Pussy. And so he puts on his thinking glasses and starts to think:

Finally it hits him:

WAAAAA. SO ROMANTIK. (If you disagree, you are dumb and unromantic)

Lets see what he wrote!

FFFWOAHHHR. SO SHAKESPEAR-esque LAH! Have you seen a love proclamation more profound and thoughtful than this? NO!!!

I was, of course, extremely hesitant about it. After all, we've only seen each other once. Thus, my answer was:

His response:

AND THUS! TA DAH!

HAPPILY MARRIED.

PLease, call me Mr Wu Weiming.

BAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

Here I go again.

2005-10-29T06:30:00.000+08:00

Read This
Then THIS
I placed two random links together because everyone knows that I'm just so damn cock-headed and random. But since internet laws are so strict, (i.e you will be fined if you litter or do not dispose of virtual rubbish into the recycle bin) I shall proceed to say that if you do see a link, it is purely coincidental and if you find it offending, email me and i will remove it immediately.
BUT. if you do find a connection,
YOU ARE VERY SMART! email me and i will organize an orgy including you and the other intelligent individuals.
And also, i get PISSED when people make a stereotypical joke about a race and someone calls them a racist.
FUCK NO. thats being a clown, not a racist.
Btw, the reason why there are even stereotypes is because MOST OF THE TIME, it is true. And I don't see whats wrong with making assumptions without the intention of harming anyone.
If you still disagree, good. Because the next time someone goes to your place, regardless of race or religion, buy halal, vegetarian, non-beef meals. Because hey, a chinese fellow may be muslim and if you offer him a chinese meal YOU ARE BEING RACIST AND STEREOTYPICAL.
So yes, lets all do background research on a person before inviting him/her into your home. Alright?

THINK. PLEASE

2005-10-25T04:12:00.000+08:00

I was reading Xiaxue's blog and realised that voxy had withdrawn a endorsement deal with her.
WHY? Is it because i like her and the pictures of her pretty nails?
NO.
It is the reason behind voxy's withdrawal that really PISSED ME OFF.
apparently someone emailed them, along with Localbrand and Kimage(other companies with endorsement contracts with her) and mentioned that she was a bad spokesperson and representative of the brand due to her insensitive comments made on her blog.
wait.
WHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
I think Voxy has done something inappropriate and apparently,to me, extremely foolish. But of course, since i mentioned the organization, I am compelled not to use a more apt description of their actions. But please, dont sue, i'm just blogging out opinions which i think would be agreed upon by people with common sense.
lets see why:
1) In the first place, you endorsed Xiaxue because of her blogging persona and most importantly, her readership. None of those has changed, why should the terms?

2) If indeed, your opinions of her are swayed, that she is, indeed, a mean bitch due to an email, I SEE NO CONNECTION. Does she need to be all stupid and unopinionated in order to have pretty nails? FUCK NO!

3) The content and tone of the blog has been kept consistent. THUS, you should have known and understood what kind of a spokesperson you are looking for before endorsing her! Since you want someone perfect to endorse, GO TO A NUNNERY. cant get more perfect than that. OH WAIT. might as well forget it because a month later people are going to write in saying its sexist and biased. Then you'll have to endore pastors, popes and monks. WEEEE then all religious figures will have nice manicured nails! Wait! hoe about politicians? arent they perfect role-models of society? ENDORSE THEM.

4)By withdrawing the endorsement because of an email shows how fickle-minded decision-making is in the company. If you found out that Xiaxue used the fuck word only now, YOU HAVE BEEN SIX FEET UNDER. also, doesnt it pamper you that xiaxue constantly posts pictures of her nails on her blog? what is your PR department doing? manicures? The bottomline, you dont drop a deal because of a silly email.

5) People who sent that email probably spend their whole lives ruining the lives of people who use strong language. VOXY, please do a survey and see if the majority of the people who sent the emails are part of the clientele. Disabled people? I GUESS NOT. However, what impresses me is that you guys are willing to give up good coverage of the brand IN A POSITIVE LIGHT.

6) Bothered about corprate image? FUCK THAT. are u trying to say that if i see voxy i will think:" YEEE, Xiaxue endorse one, later i go i will hate disabled people and constantly say the fuck word"
Yes, i think we are that stupid voxy.
The only thing that people will link about Xiaxue and Voxy is her NAILS and nothing else. If people dont like it, its probably because her nails look like shit and you can blame nobody but YOURSELF.

So there. my two cents worth.
Just to reinforce, I pity with xiaxue but also because she has been penalised due to voicing out honest opinions and using strong language, which i do too. The reason why the government is so strict is because of close minded people like that and i hope their privates shrivel up and drop off since using the F word is so scary.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

the fucker.

2005-10-22T21:45:00.000+08:00

I thought it was all water under the bridge.
but its not. the urge to wanna hold you still rages within.
and to think u can act as if nothing has happened.
I think its official. i despise you and i hope whatever remaining joy the both of you share will diminish into a pile of abhor for each other.

movies in october......

2005-10-14T02:39:00.000+08:00

SUCK. and i have proof.
THE BOW. holy piles of shit. how bad can a movie be. at first i thought it might be difficult to keep reading subtitles and at the same time understand and link bits and pieces of the story together since it was korean.
DUMB!!!!!!!!!
because there were less than 10 lines in total that were spoken. and besides language, there was also a lack of sound! Imagine this, someone brutally slaps you and you dont say anything, dont even gasp, just make a face. steaming pile of shit.
PLEASE. do not watch shows like that and feed the industry of nonsense films.

APRIL SNOW.
where do i begin.
OH YES! WITH THE ALPHABET 'S'!
SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you intend to do something for the first time, watch it.
I call it the movie that wasn't.
DUMB DUMB DUMB.
its so lame i dont know how to put it into words. just do not watch it.

Lulu hot tranny prince

2005-10-07T13:31:00.000+08:00

so here i am, waiting for a response that may not be one that i will be pleased with.
but what more can i do, i've done all that i could, overlooked lies preceding your telling.
please dont make my birthdays this year one of the worst

if only you read this

2005-10-02T02:39:00.000+08:00

if only you could read me,
you would know when i say that i understand,
i truly don't.
when you tell me its unfair,
i agree so much it hurts.
if only i could just lie beside you where everything is
timeless,
safe,
comforting
and warm
where everything else disintergrates and i feel like a foetus in a womb.
but its not for real,
for i have to wake up,
and be hit with the fact that everything is not just the both of us.
the absence of the verbal exchange of affection seems so delicate and precious.
but yet, its nibbling me that there may be an underlying reason as to why,
for your apprehension, your indecisiveness tempts me to think im just fooled with.
but all the doubt fades once more when you hold me
so hold me and make me forget it all and if, heaven forbid, you're indeed toying with me, just keep on holding me even though it may be wise to put an end to it.
be aware that i bear all resposibility, for it is vulnerability that has pulled me towards you. for it is my longing to have everything perfect and flawless, being ignorantly comfortable and in the dark of anything that may stain this dream of mine that will in the end. its like no other, where i had to deal with none of all this nonsense, where i didnt have to worry about anyone else being hurt besides myself. where i accepted the flaws of someone else only to know there were more i couldnt live with. its so different, what we have.
-i'm not expecting an angel, just someone who appreciates me as i do him, please.

many things i hate about you

2005-09-29T05:09:00.000+08:00

its 5am and i simply cannot sleep.
inspired by the undefeated funniest blog i've ever read,
i am going to blog about what i hate.

CHILDREN.
i dont understand why the hell parents get so happy when kids say their first word.
if your kid's first word was the referal of your partner, wouldn't that piss you off?
if i had a kid and his/her first word was 'papa', i would get must husband to change is fucking sex and i'll grow a penis. that is, of course, if i dont have one. also, i dont understand why do they like to run around the mrt and YELL.
and if you're thinking "KOH WEIMING, you were once a kid with a lousy first word",
please have a picnic on the CTE. i was born an adult, complete with pubic hair and a 8 metre long penis. and i didnt have a first word. the first thing that came out of my mouth was an entire thesis on cultural imperialism fit for any national day rally.

PARENTS.
read above and understand they caused all this.

PHYSICALLY STRONG PEOPLE.
because i know that i am a total slut and almost everyone on the face of this earth wants to send me reeling from a kick in the genitals. and being the twig insect i am, i have absolutely no form of defense besides camouflage. which, of course, is useless unless i stand in a pile of shit.

PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE GORGEOUS.
i know anyone who falls into this category would deny this but deep down they know they are guilty. this also includes myself but deep down, i also KNOW that i am gorgeous. girls especially, are prone to fall under this category which also explains why i am gay but we all know that it is in-born and by choice and if you think otherwise, you should die. and if you think that you are gay by choice i say you've made the right one.
an example would be a girl that i saw today who walked into a boutique selling rather expensive stuff. the made a few squeals, as if a centipide crawled up her vagina and rushed towards an item.
obviously, she has never seen ear rings in her entire life or it resembled a vibrator.
following which she pranced around the shop and flipped her hair thinking she was christy turlington.
i would have forgiven her if she did buy something or if she didnt look so revolting.
since im in such a good mood i'd say she looks like the uglier twin of miss muppet.

SHIT PEOPLE WHO CARRY FAKES.
fakes are affordable branded goods. which also means that you should dress to accomodate whatever it is imitating. if you want to dress like bollocks and carry a $1000 bag, then you are obviously defeating the purpose. thus, if you want to carry something that looks so ridiculously priced, should you dress like someone who can afford something so expensive? point taken right. if you still dont understand what i am trying to say, you are dumb.
also, people like kate moss who buy hermes birkins to use as baby bags to store their kid's soiled daipers should be condemnned to carry tacky plasic bags.

VERY GOOD LOOKING PEOPLE
what can i say, i hate myself to the core.

PEOPLE WHO DO NOT BATHE TWICE DAILY.
unless you are an enchanted princess, me, or some hanxiang shit who smells of flowers, you must bathe at least twice a day. otherwise, STAY INDOORS. because you smell like dog shit. even if you're unbothered by the icky layer of dirt on your skin, spare a thought for the rest of us who havent lost our sense of smell.

MUTTON and DURIANS
i dont understand how can anyone consume something so darn smelly. jokes aside, my dung smells less foul.

finally, this is the most terrible thing i've had to endure in my entire life.

----------------------------SULYN AND HER MAKE-UP KIT--------------------------------
don't be fooled when she says she going to the toilet with her bag suspiciously bulging. while normal human beings like you and me go to the toilet to pee and shit most of the time, sulyn FREQUENTS the toilet to reapply her make-up, which has not moved an inch since her first application of the day. in order to conceal(pun not intending) her intentions of visiting the toilet so many times, she tells lies like her bladder is not working properly and needs to pee every 2 seconds.
THATS NOT ALL. when she's done with her make-up, she begins to untie and re-tie her hair. and i don't understand why the hell does she take so long to tie her pony tail to the side. i mean if it's in the centre i understand it may be out of position but TO THE SIDE!!!???? i guess she also used a compass to tie her hair.
NOT DONE YET. throughout this process, she will let out squeals of displeasure as maybe on strand of hair is out of place.
STILL NOT DONE. upon being satisfied with her work, which is will be eventually, otherwise she will repeat from the start, she whips out her phone and takes photos of herself. repeat squeals.
SO! the next time u see this suspicious character going to the toilet, make sure that she is empty-handed, camera-less and bald before letting her go.
OTHERWISE, the time you spend waiting for her would be ample for you to plan your funeral, get married and become pregnant.

BAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. i hate babbling children

2005-09-29T03:32:00.000+08:00

i bloody agree with the person who did up this page :

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule

It is so bloody funny i almost DIED.
btw, scissor sisters rock. although they do sound like there's a python strangling their ball sacks.

holy mountains of cow dung

2005-09-28T02:12:00.000+08:00

i am a complete nincompoop.
i thought "DELETE THIS BLOG" would mean just having all the entries gone.
but yeah it really meant delete the entire blog.
and so, here i am with a stupid 14-year old's blogskin who likes stars and thinks she's fading into the darkness... blah blah blah whatever crap.
SHIT.

lulu. oh what have i done

2005-09-28T01:32:00.000+08:00

What is going on with people?
Apparently keith said that i would get into some form of trouble if i bad-mouthed any person of relevance to the school.
why does something like that sound normal to anyone of you?
are we all doomed to conform?
must we blog about racial harmony, national day and campaigns in order to be considered good citizens?
I mean, we blog whatever made an impact in our lives and it that happens to be negative, ditto our tone while conveying the alleged subject.
but no.... we must all blog in an objective manner.
for example you wanna curse someone for stepping on your shoe today and not apologising. (eh, prada whattt.) okay, lets see how u can blog it out:
Today, the blistering hot shitty local weathe....
STOP STOP STOP. (too anti-[insert country], may get into huge trouble)
you should say:
Today, the weather is sunny hitting about 34 degrees celcius, as it would be around the belt of the equator.
AHHHHHHHHH. much better. moving on.
It was making me bloody pissed that i wanted to destroy everything around me...
NONONONONONONONONNONONONONONO. CANNOT. sounds to terrorist-y may get arrested.
lets change it then:
The unsatisfactory conditions made me uneasy and i wished i could be a fairy-godmother and *ting* the weather would be pleasant.
AHHHHHH. good good. moving on
and then this malay fello.....
*pulls out all my body and facial hair*
GRAVE MISTAKE!!! cannot mention race!!! racist!!! even if the person was tanned so much so it resembled most malays you've ever seen and the person's ic dropped on the floor screaming 'MALAY' under his race. so there, no race understood?change!
then this tanned individual clad in relatively tight tapered jeans and muttering some malay words to himself....
Good!next line-
f***ing steps on my ch** bye expensive Prada shoes that he can never afford within his 5000 lifetimes.
HORROR OF HORRORS! what an awful thing to say! change!
he carelessly steps on my pricey new shoes which i think, is very unpolite of him!
ah... so much more politically correct.

I think i got my point through. if someone pisses me off, i dont think i would bother about what others thought of when i refer to the person as scum, shit or other demeaning words. sure its not nice but its HUMAN! i mean, if some one pissed you off really bad, would you be digging out every single vulgar vocabulary to decribe the bugger?
I SAY YES.
and if you say that i can not put it on my blog, i say thats crap.
Even if i didnt put it on my blog, and instead i told everyone i knew, would the impact be the same?
the intention is still the same!
whatever. with technology surging ahead, we have people who cannot take insults as modern forms of expression. i say thats too bad man.